R and R

Relapsing and Remitting or Rest and Recreation? Quite similar really. Lots of recreation during remission and lots of rest in relapse. And that remains both the nightmare and the godsend of this strange thing. Two years after diagnosis I still meet people that say oh, I hear you're ill and then look at the currently healthy me with a slightly suspicious expression. Well, you should have seen me from March 26th to April 2nd is what I want to say but it’s not a terribly convincing response. Not because it ain't so but because when in remission I really do begin to think I'm not ill at all and therefore I subconsciously start to show just how healthy I am. Not that I break in to star jumps and squat thrusts during the conversation but I do find myself telling people just how active I am at the gym, exactly how many minutes I spend on the rowing machine and how heavy the weights are. It's like a sort of health tourettes. I can't help it. I burned 400 calories during a spin class just pops out.

And that was my mood when I was requested to attend Clinical research for an "out of hours meeting". On my return from Africa last month I had felt obliged to tell them about my lack of legs in March and I was pretty sure I'd be in trouble with them. Mainly because the paperwork I signed at the beginning of the trial specifically says that when experiencing symptoms of relapse I should contact them...but...and this was my argument, it doesn't say anywhere that I shouldn't fly to Sub-Saharan Africa before telling them. I followed this line of argument with a detailed list of star jumps and squat thrusts undertaken and then my final coup d'gras...35 kilos.

Something about the way they laughed, shook their heads and sent me to the toilet with a jar didn't convince me I'd won the argument.