Saturday, 10 October 2009

Bloody Good Riddance

Now it’s all kicked off...the phlebotomists have been sacked and a new company of phle people bought in. I’m not surprised. The last vampire to visit me may have arrived on time but...

I haven’t got my kit with me he says

Now when I was a kid if you forgot your PE kit you had to do the gym session in your underwear...and let’s face it at the age of 7 it was no big deal. Now call me old fashioned but the idea of blood man taking three phials of blood, and various other readings dressed in his underpants wasn’t appealing. Then it turns out his “kit” is pretty much everything he needs except the clothes. Needles, thermometers, gloves, steri-wipes, test tubes, glass plates for doing weird stuff with. You name it he didn’t have it. It was a bit like me turning up on stage and realising I’d forgotten a keyboard. Which all joking apart did actually happen once. Very embarrassing...had to leave stage, go back to dressing room, get the keyboard, return to stage, plug it in....

I digress, so anyway phle-man says...Do you mind if I nip back to the office and get my kit. Quite what the alternative was I’m not sure, it was hardly a case of some hot water and towels sufficing.

Of course say I...where is the office?


Hammersmith? Hammersmith is an hour drive each way in a post apocalyptic London where all other vehicles, traffic lights and speed cameras have been destroyed. By now it’s 45 minutes to rush hour. I’ll be lucky if I see him tomorrow.

And now it looks like I’ll never see him again. So farewell inefficient blood suckers. Let’s see some phlebotomists with some real bite. Tomorrow I go to Moscow and when I return the new company will take three phials of vodka from my veins.

1 comment:

  1. Now, as an uncultured American, I'll admit an unfamiliarity with the Queen's English, but I've never heard the phrase "nip back" applied to a two-hour journey.

    This is only a notch or two better than telling you "Do you mind while I pop off and get trained and certified to draw blood? I'll be right back, in a few weeks."

    You're better off with the vodka.